Why are break-ups so hard to do?
There is nothing more complicated in our lives than the ending of a relationship and moving on. If you’ve been one of the lucky ones who got a clean break where you both decided this just isn’t working out and went your separate ways how blessed you are, but for a lot of people this has not been the case.
The truth about break-ups is, it is usually a dirty and bitter business, where someone’s heart gets thrown on the floor and ripped to shreds, and as a result it leaves behind a trail of : bitter ex’s, people with trust issues, commitment issues, and renouncers of love who have vowed to replace love with random sex.
Why even though we witness the causalities and dysfunctional issues that bad break-ups leave behind, we keep doing the same thing?
I’ll tell you why Fear!
In my opinion the number one factor of most bad break-ups is Dishonesty.
The truth of the matter is so many people are just afraid of being honest, it just terrifies the shit-out of us.
To avoid the truth in a break-up people will do almost anything, create lists of excuse to replace the truth like:
- I don’t want to hurt his/her feelings
- I am just not sure what to do
- It’s not the right moment
- I don’t want to be the bad guy
- He or she will kill me if I tell the truth
The funny thing is as much as we would like to believe we are being dishonest to protect the other person, mostly the opposite is true.
What we are really trying to do is to protect ourselves from ourselves, because having to face difficult issues in a relationship is hard, and can be complicated. Most people just want to sweep things under the rug or bury their head in the sand, hoping it will just go away but that never happens. What happens is an explosion that usually ends in a bad break-up!
We all hate to think that we are one of those people we complain about when someone has broken up with them.
People don’t like to admit that there are times when they may have lead someone on just because they needed a ego boost to feel bit better themselves for a little awhile, and when they have to look to themselves and admit that; I used someone to make myself feel better. It terrifies us to think, “yes I am that person”.
It can be the moment when you know you have fallen out of love with someone, but your in a stable relationship and you stay to be secure. Your just sticking around hoping the other person won’t notice that you fallen out a love but want to stay safe.
So what is the answer? How do we stop this endless flow of bad break ups that leave us all a little less of a human being at the end of the day?
Here it is, are you ready for it……..drum roll please..
Just be F–king honest!
Look none of us are perfect and we all have something, and when we can stop standing in judgment of one another and admit that fact, we can give each other the room to actually be honest when we have made a mistake. Also, be thankful when someone is brave enough to tell us the truth and not punishing them for it. The short version of all this is:
If you made a mistake admit it. The truth always comes out in the end, and usually in way you least except and at the worst time. When you tell the truth the chances for forgiveness is higher. When we are honest about our feelings there can be is no blame or judgment. We can all know what we are getting ourselves into or out of with someone.
We all know the saying “There is somebody for everybody”. I believe that this is true. We could make bad break-ups a thing of the past with: ”Honesty”, if we could just admit our true feelings we could heal, move on, and find the right somebody for us.
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